Stressed for no reason

October 26, 2005


The end of the month has become a very stressful time for me this past year. At work I’m usually experiencing the effects of “crunch time,” where I’ve got less and less time to do more and more work, and unfortunately I tend to bring that stress home with me. Additionally, I’ve added new pieces to this stress: my monthly article for Prime Magazine, the possibility of learning a new trade in the newspaper business — these things are supposed to be hobbies, or at least as close to hobbies as I can get. But I’m still anxious about them. I want everything to be perfect. That breeds an uncomfortable feeling inside of me.

I’ve never been an incredibly stressed person, though, so this is all rather new to me. It makes me feel older than I am – there’s a standard of responsibility in what I do that I lived pleasantly without for years – and it makes me feel tired and cranky, two feelings that I never showed in such abundance before taking on a salaried job.

I don’t like this stress, but I know I need to live with it. I’ve stressed myself out lately even more by thinking that I haven’t done enough with my life – that I haven’t become some ultra successful writer – and that I’m going to be stuck in middle management for the rest of my life.

Why do I do this? I don’t know. It’s a fault. I know I’ll move on from this stage of life. I’ve lived a rather privileged life. I’ve never gone hungry, I’ve been able to go to college, and I’ve been promoted to a job that many wouldn’t dream of having at 26. There is a responsibility that’s a natural part of growing up. I’ll have this forever – if I’m not stressed about work, it’ll be a child, or it’ll be a story I’m writing close to deadline, or it’ll be a sick pet, or it’ll be a dying relative. Stress is a part of life. I’ve got to learn to deal with it better.

Instead, I just shut myself up and try to force my way through it. Sometimes this works; I’ve over-worried my way through the last week of the past six months, but I’ve gotten everything done every time – with time to spare, even. Sometimes it doesn’t; I’ve been concerned about certain things in life that I have no control over, and every time I do this I realize that I’m helpless to do anything. That doesn’t help the stress.

Kerrie helps me as much as she can. She tells me not to worry about things I can’t control. She is constantly showing me the positive side of almost every negative thing I say. I thank her for this. I thank her for living with such a pessimist.

Someday, I’ll be living without stress.

Hopefully, it won’t be when I’m 55 and retired.

Tags: Career, On..., Writing |

Comments

One Response to “Stressed for no reason”

  1. DOOMCOCK on October 27th, 2005 440 am

    55 and retired?
    shit…..try 70.
    havent you been reading the paper you write for? By the time we’re 55; China will own our ass, and we won’t be able to breathe or go outside without the aid of powerful sunblock. and you can be damn sure that sunblock going to cost a shitload. it’ll probaly give you cancer too. but hell, who want’s to think of this shit at this time in history? not me. not you. not anyone actually. shit, that what drugs and the internet are for right?
    i hope this wasn’t spawned by that voice mail i left you on your birthday. i think it went something like
    “Goddamn your ass Vilhaur!!!! You know you better produce something stellar this year, or no one is going to give a fuck. If you don’t do anything monumental by the time you’re 27, apparently, you are a non-person. “what the hell can you do?” they’ll ask. and when you tell them the thing’s that you part of, the thing’s you and your friends have done, they will dismiss it immediatly. what the hell has happened in this country? why are we expected to be successful, settled, and have the rest of our lives planned out by the time we’re 25? hell i’m rambling so i’ll get to my main point.
    and that point is Mr.Vilhauer:
    FUCK THOSE PEOPLE
    yeah you feel stressed. but so what? like you said there will alway’s be stress. nothing can be done about that. so in the word’s of Mr. Durden “Stop trying to control everything and just let go. LET GO!!!”
    Don’t stress yourself out. that’s what the rest of us are for. and especially don’t worry about your argus deadline. shit, those asswipes are lucky to have you; your byline was the only thing in that wrecthed piece of offal worth reading. except hudson’s article about the clash, that was top notch, so i take it back, there were four pages worth reading.
    enough of this. i just want you to remember one thing corey; and i hope it’ll echo in you’re mind for years to come and it is this:
    FUCK THEM!!!!! WE ARE CHAMPIONS AND WE CAN PROVE IT!!!!
    history will absolve us with each passing day.
    so stop worrying and get back to that goddamn machine!!

    -jim

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