The inevitable

January 17, 2006


And just like that, the inevitable happens.

My grandfather, Donald Wayne Boyer, a man that was ravaged by cancer over the past year and was given only two to four months to live, succumbed to the disease today. My grandmother called me to tell me that my grandpa had gone to heaven, and I was the one to tell my mother.

I’m without tears at this moment because I’ve shed them all in anticipation of this day. Instead I feel strangely stoic. I prepared myself for the worst, and when it came I wasn’t surprised. I am sad, but a little relieved. He’s not in any pain anymore. He never will be.

Once we left Idaho this past week, my grandfather’s condition worsened drastically. He lost nearly all of his ability to function. Hospice was brought in, a hospital bed was set up, and he prepared to leave this world.

The two to four months became days, and the days became hours. I was talking to my mom on the phone about his condition when my grandmother beeped in and told me the news.

I feel incredibly blessed to have been there for his final cognitive days – to be a memory to him before his memories became fuzzy. I know now that heading out west this past week wasn’t in vain. As I expected, those were the last moment I ever spent with him.

The mourning process begins now. I’m having a hard time thinking of him in the past tense, but I feel that I’m ahead of the curve; a little guilty even for not feeling sadder. But, with him out of his misery, the only person I feel incredibly sad about is my grandmother, a woman who adored him and was adored by him – as she said on the phone, her soul mate of 48 years was gone.

She said to us: “I don’t know what I’m going to do without him.”

Regardless of what we plan to do without him, it won’t be the same. Life will go on, but it just won’t be the same without him in our lives.

Damn it, I already miss him.

I love you Grandpa. And I always will.

Tags: Grandpa Boyer |

Comments

9 Responses to “The inevitable”

  1. cr00kedview on January 18th, 2006 416 am

    Sorry to hear, Corey.

    Wish the best for you and your family, especially your grandmother. Can’t fathom what it’d be like to lose someone after such a long life together, but hope everything winds up at a (hopefully high) degree of peace for everyone who shared his life.

  2. Corey Vilhauer on January 18th, 2006 828 am

    Thanks, I appreciate it.

  3. eric on January 18th, 2006 834 am

    corey, sorry about your grandpa. i’m very glad for you that you got to see him last week though. that will probably last as a very important part of your memories of him forever.

  4. Stephanie on January 18th, 2006 635 pm

    Hi Corey,
    Sorry to hear about your grandfather. Although we all know he is in a better place, it doesn’t make his death any easier for you or your family. My thoughts are with you.
    Stephanie

  5. Fresh on January 19th, 2006 153 pm

    I’m glad you were able to come to terms with your Grandpa’s death and tell him what you wanted to. That really does make it much easier. You have my condolences.

    Godspeed Grandpa Boyer.

  6. David July on January 19th, 2006 554 pm

    Sorry to hear of your loss.

  7. roberta on January 19th, 2006 649 pm

    Corey, I am at a loss hearing about yours. My deepest sympathy and prayers for you and your grandmother. My love to you and Kerrie.

  8. sara on January 19th, 2006 938 pm

    I am sorry to hear about you grandpa’s passing. My thoughts are with you and your family. I’m sure it is comforting to know that you will hold onto the memories you have of him, from both your childhood and recently from a new perspective.

  9. Mike Quinlivan on January 20th, 2006 141 am

    My condolences Corey. Your grandfather was surely a beautiful man, and will be cherished up in heaven and missed here on earth. God bless.

    Mike Quinlivan

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