The first day of school

August 21, 2006


Three years ago, I was preparing to be called.

That is, I was waiting for my first assignment of the new year through the automated substitute teacher request line. I was a teacher, in the most basic sense of the word, and I was feeling the usual dread for a career I thought I’d do really well in.

How I got to this point was simple. I took an advanced Biology class with a great teacher – Mr. Denis Hofflander – and set my dreams for his profession. I, like many prospective educators, set out to become a teacher that would be able to convey the passion for his or her chosen subject. You know, the same way his or her “teacher/role-model” was able to. I went to Southwest State University, then transferred to St. Cloud State University, to move further along. I did my student teaching and felt a little overwhelmed. I wasn’t sure if it was something that I wanted to do anymore, but a series of “a-ha moments” helped me persevere.

While student teaching for a middle school classroom, I remember really latching onto the notion of making a difference in a young child’s life. I really enjoyed teaching biology to the class that I had – an eager to learn, advanced track class. They understood my concepts, they asked intelligent questions, and they made teaching fun.

However, this was the best it ever got. Teaching is not easy, and I found that from there on I would be dealing with a wide slice of learning levels and abilities. I didn’t have the patience to handle difficult students, and I didn’t have the spine to be a disciplinarian.

I graduated from St. Cloud State with a head full of good ideas and a desire to make a difference in the world. I applied to over 50 jobs in the Minneapolis/St. Cloud and Sioux Falls areas throughout the next year. I received very few interviews and was never chosen for any jobs. I was becoming a little discouraged. And the few subbing jobs I worked, I hated.

I continued to substitute teach once we moved to Sioux Falls. I still applied for jobs (because I couldn’t give up and just work on the phones at a relay center, obviously) and became increasingly frustrated. Additionally, I didn’t receive as many subbing opportunities as I’d have liked, so work wasn’t very steady.

Eventually, I applied for a promotion at the relay center and got it without a problem – a big fish in a small pond sort of thing, I always assume. With little management experience and a degree in education, I managed to move to the highest position I could conceivably get at a relay call center. And from then, I quit my teaching career. For good.

It all worked out in the end. I used my down time to strengthen my writing talents and eventually searched out something in that field. Once I found it, a weight was lifted. I was no longer doing something I had merely settled on. I had found my niche, and it felt rather snug.

But to this day I still feel a little sting of failure. I went to school to be a teacher. I was given the highest mark in my methods class because, on paper, I did a great job. But that’s all the further it went – the potential never realized, the Darko Milicic of the Sioux Falls school system. Everyone thought I could really do it, including myself, but I really had no chance. There were people more devoted to the ideas. There were teachers who would had the skills necessary to really teach. Not just on paper, but in action.

To this day, it’s my greatest failure. But, as all great failures do, it led me to something that is much more important to me. And I like to think I left whatever position was coming to me open for someone with a greater desire. With greater skill and knowledge. With more tenacity. A teacher, and not just a guy who went through all the motions because that’s what his degree dictated.

It took me two years to make that decision, to back out of a profession that I had spent thousands of dollars and five years preparing for. But it helped me realize what I was really meant to do. And it gave me the utmost respect for anyone that enters – and succeeds—at a job that is more difficult and less honored than most people will ever realize.

Teaching is a profession. It’s important. And anyone who’s out there doing it – anyone who tromped into his or her rooms on this first day of school and faced our future – deserves all of the respect in the world.

Thanks, teachers.

Tags: Career |

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Steinbeck on Random - 8.17.06

August 18, 2006


It’s been a while, I know. I’ve decided to pare back my “every Friday” fare. Which means Random YouTube only when I find something worthwhile and Steinbeck on Random every month, not every two weeks.

Of course, I hold the right to change that schedule as needed. It’s my blog, after all.

So, on with the show.

1. Air – “Alpha Beta Gaga”
Talkie Walkie

These guys are labeled as Electronic, one of the very few I’ve bothered to add (much to Dave’s chagrin, I’m sure). I like Air because they’re incredibly soundtrack-esque, owing to film scores as much as the electronica genre they get lumped under. While Badly Drawn Boy did his best work writing a soundtrack, Air sounds like they’re writing a soundtrack without a movie to score.

2. The Postal Service – “Nothing Better”
Give Up

Honestly, I only have one Postal Service album. In fact, including singles and random tracks, I only have about 15 of their songs on my machine. So why do they show up all the time?

This is an interesting dilemma – we all have that one artist that always seems to pop up, no matter what, or that one song that plays three or four times more often than any other. For me, it’s Postal Service.

Another interesting note about this song – on Sirius this song is listed as Charts and Graphs, from the line “I’ve made charts and graphs that should finally make it clear/I’ve prepared a lecture on why I have to leave.”

3. Ben Folds Five – “Tom & Mary”
Naked Baby Photos

Another Ben Folds song about people he may or may not have met in his life. You could fill a box set with BF5 songs about random people – on this album alone you have “Eddie Walker,” “Emaline,” “Alice Childress,” “Dick Holster,” “Tom & Mary,” and “Julianne.” And for the most part, if you’re not familiar with the individual songs, they all sound the same. They’re good, but very similar.

Except for “Eddie Walker.” That song transcends the group.

4. Joni Mitchell – “Free Man in Paris”
Hits

I’m beginning to like Joni Mitchell more and more every time I listen to her. With that being said, I don’t have much of an opinion of this song. I believe this is the first time I’ve ever heard it.

It mentions the Champs Elysees, so that’s pretty cool – I’m a big fan of that Napoleon-era arch.

5. Sense Field – “Futon”
Killed for Less

In terms of personal favorites, some bands have fallen from their lofty perches so quickly that I hardly even remember they’re around. Sense Field is one of those bands (as is, unfortunately, my ex-favorite band Sunny Day Real Estate.) The sad fact is that the songs haven’t aged well. While Jawbreaker, Texas is the Reason, and Farside still continue to elicit some sort of emotion, Sense Field doesn’t – it’s all strictly nostalgic now.

Don’t get me wrong, they do have some good songs, and at least one song is still very important on a personal level, but I just can’t get excited for the band as a whole – which is crazy because, well, they were one of my favorites for a very long time

6. Pearl Jam – “Indifference”
Vs.

Best Pearl Jam song – is it “Black?” Or is it “Indifference?” I can’t decide, I’ll get back to you.

7. Jay-Z – “I Just Wanna Love U (Give It 2 Me)”
Unplugged

I am always amazed at how many Jay-Z songs have integrated themselves into my life – and into modern culture, for that matter. A song will show up with a name I don’t recognize and, more often than not, I’ve heard it before. It’s amazing. For instance – this is the “I’m a hustla, baby” song, incredibly catchy and pretty awesome. And I never knew.

Another thing I didn’t know until now — ?uestlove of The Roots plays drums throughout the entire performance. I’m beginning to love Jay-Z

8. Sufjan Stevens – Happy Birthday
A Sun Came

A nice quiet little song from Sufjan Steven’s first album. From hearing a lot of this album in bits and pieces, you can see how there was a coming of age between A Sun Came and his state-themed albums – these are soft and introspective and totally indie in production, while the brilliant Illinois is beyond words, filling the holes that his old stuff left wide open.

9. Weezer – “Getchoo”
Pinkterton

Speaking of “beyond words,” I can’t say enough about Pinkerton. It’s a super-good album, and if you don’t have it, you’re dumb. Go get it now. Duh.

10. Bob Dylan – “I Shall Be Released”
The Essential Bob Dylan

And now, I present to you the first repeat in Steinbeck on Random history – a song that I was actually quite unfamiliar with back in April when I started Steinbeck on Random. Now, it has become one of my favorites.

The best part about setting the shuffle and going out on a limb with the iPod is that I still discover songs that I never had a chance to listen to. I’m still encountering songs that should have broken into my constant playlist years ago but instead laid undiscovered, waiting for this little matching to head to the shed and fetch it for me.

Case in point – “I Shall Be Released.” Thanks, Steinbeck.

Tags: Music, Steinbeck on Random |

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A game of sources

August 16, 2006


When does the public’s right to know come before personal persecution? When do you say it’s okay to leave your spouse, your family, and your life behind for the name of journalism?

In San Francisco, two men are facing that choice – the two men who broke the Barry Bonds Grand Jury testimony and drew him out as an admitted steroid user with connections to convicted steroid peddlers: Mark Fainaru-Wada and Lance Williams, San Francisco Chronicle writers and co-authors of Game of Shadows. They can either reveal their source or go to jail. That’s their choice. Take it or leave it.

What does this mean? It means some hard thinking on both men’s parts. Leave a family behind with no support? Or lose your livelihood – your purpose in life. It also means the government is once again trying to strip away the shield of the First Amendment, allowing a source’s name to be revealed and dooming both writers to a life of lost trust and puff pieces.

After hearing an interview on ESPN today with one of the writers, it struck me how important this issue is. These writers are being asked to give away everything they covet – the strength of journalistic law and the right to protect those who otherwise would never offer up important, critical information. Fainaru-Wada and Williams aren’t just being stubborn; they’re standing up for an entire industry. And from the sounds of every interview, commentary, and opinion from the world of journalism, their industry is standing behind them, complete with a Chronicle lawyer troupe and the backing of their employer.

If the relationship between journalist and source is breeched, everyone suffers. The journalist can no longer be trusted. The newspaper can no longer be respected, after allowing the journalist to roll over on his or her source. The people bringing the news can no longer feel safe giving confidential information out, not only forcing them to use other means to get their story across but also forcing the reading public to be without the truth. The entire structure of modern news crumbles, unable to hold up its end of the informational balance.

Sources cannot be given up under force. What happens to corrupt businesses? What happens to crooked governments? What happens to the questions that cannot be answered without inside knowledge, even when that inside knowledge is harmful to anyone who touches it?

This is not a case of “stolen” property. This is not an illegal act. This is no worse than taking improper wire-tap information into consideration when prosecuting a crime. Simply put, this is a First Amendment act. The right for the public to know far outweighs anything else – there is no one at harm here, just a series of facts that one baseball player has been running from for four years. You cannot take that away – not only is it against the public’s best interests, but it’s against everything the Constitution holds true.

If you want someone to blame, blame the person who leaked the crime. But you’ve got to find them first. In the meantime, there’s a lot to be said about the sanctity of the Grand Jury. Better methods need to be used to ensure stories like this don’t leak, that the safety of someone being grilled by a jury of peers isn’t compromised because of a leak.

That’s not a journalist’s problem, though. Their job is to give us the facts. And if these two men go to jail for protecting their source, while the main culprit – the steroid-toting sports star whose life is out in the open, guilty as charged – goes free, well, then we’ve got a bigger problem with our justice system than I had ever thought before.

One of the men said today that if the Chronicle told them to give up their source, then maybe they should never have been working for the paper in the first place. But the paper wouldn’t do that. They’re on the right side in all of this. Maybe they should be focusing on the real culprit – the one that’s already on trial.

And to those two writers: Good for you.

Tags: Baseball, Journalism, Sports |

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Got Agency?

August 16, 2006


What is an image worth?

Think about that for a second. How much is gained from how you look? If you want someone to take you seriously, you dress up. You clean up. You do what you can to present an image of respectability, professionalism, and seriousness. All the positive qualities in the world can be quickly negated by sloppy presentation or disheveled look.

So why would someone present their business with cheaply made materials? Wouldn’t you say it’s worth the money to hire a design specialist, either on your staff or an outside company? If the public’s first impression is going to be through your ad, or your catalog, or your television commercial, doesn’t it make sense to create something original, clean, and professional – not something jumbled, grainy, and uninspired?

The more involved I get in my new career field, the more I ask this question – isn’t the ultimate goal of a business to succeed? And if you’re not advertising with quality materials, media that gives your business a competitive advantage and not some black and white catalog printed in MS Word with the usual standard clip art, then what do you think the first impression is going to be?

Whenever I see a “Got (Insert Product Here)?” knockoff, I think about this. Whenever I see a horribly designed political brochure, I think about this. It’s my job, I know, but even looking at it with my “general public” eyes, it just doesn’t make any sense.

Why are you setting yourself up to fail?

Tags: Advertising and Marketing |

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Volunteer-fest

August 14, 2006


I try to volunteer. Really, I do. I just rarely follow through.

I’m not the most sociable of people. No, it’s true. I’ve gotten better, but it’s still hard for me to enter into situations where I’m supposed to converse and carry on with people I’ve never met. It’s not a rare condition. In fact, I’d be willing to guess that nearly half of the people currently breathing on this Earth are not ready to jump into a group of strangers and start helping out.

On the other hand, I have a small bit of celebrity in one small section of our town – local librarians and book lovers. I write an overlong book column in a magazine for men. But the only people I know who read it are women. Librarians, for the most part. And for this reason, I find myself feeling drawn to every book related happening in our town. Of course, I do it because I want to. But there’s a small part of me that does it because I should.

So this is how I’m attempting to break out of the “volunteer-shy” shell. I’m signing up to help out with this summer’s South Dakota Festival of the Book – a weekend long book festival that celebrates authors and readers from around the state. It’s an annual event, with both Sioux Falls and Deadwood sharing the festival every other year.

I’m pretty excited, to tell you the truth. I’ll get to introduce authors, help people find books, and participate in a Books and Brews night – two of my favorite things. But I’m still apprehensive.

There’s something in human nature that makes us unwilling to step outside of the comfort zone we’ve built up around ourselves, something that collects all of our random thoughts and pushes them back down in an effort not to make a fool of ones self. I know a lot of people who have never been shackled to that zone, who have stepped outside of it and all over it and can walk forward into anything, regardless of what other people are saying. I also know a lot of people who are completely unwilling to leave whatever comfort they’re used to and instead hide from new experiences. I’m one of them. And I’m trying to change that.

For those of you who are living in Sioux Falls, or in the general area, give me your address, or your e-mail address. I would be happy to give you as much information on the Festival of Books as possible. Personally, I was a little embarrassed for the group that put it together two years ago – no one showed up, and attendance overall was much less than we had thought. But this isn’t something that should be missed.

There are six different tracks of authors lined up, from fiction to poetry to mini-writers’ workshops. There will be two Pulitzer Prize authors, including one I’ve read and reviewed for Prime Magazine. There will be hundreds – hopefully thousands – of like minded book lovers and authors, rubbing elbows and celebrating the history and future of books, reading, and writing.

Hundreds of authors, hundreds of people who have stepped outside of that comfort zone, written from their heart, who have weathered various degrees of success or failure, will be converging in one place to discuss each others craft. And thousands more will be there to witness it, wishing they too could break down whatever fear is keeping them from being successful themselves. And for a few, a deluge of self-confidence – a writing pandemonium – will be unleashed, tearing through the literary world and wreaking havoc on all that it touches.

Hopefully, I’ll catch a little of that spirit. But it all starts with volunteering my time.

Tags: Books, Sioux Falls, Vilhauer |

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On notice!

August 11, 2006


Well, Stephen Colbert has officially put me on notice. I’m there — right on the top of the list!

Or at least that’s what my music supplier is telling the world: Dave at When I Look at the World has found a sweet Stephen Colbert “On Notice Board Generator.”

I’ve got to get my name off of that, somehow.

Tags: Random Links |

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Kicking ass, taking losses

August 9, 2006


A sweet kickball picture drawn by some kid named Caleb.

8-5. 3-2. 18-1.

Those are the scores to our last three kickball contests. See, Kerrie and I are in a kickball league with a few friends. We’re sponsored and everything: the Empire Carwash “O-fers.” The name comes from our team’s 2005 record: 0 and whatever. Of course, that was before we were around.

Hey. No problem. We’re 3-0 this year, right?

Wrong.

Twice we’ve been forced to forfeit. In order to qualify for the game, you need five men and five women at the game. Twice we’ve had just four women. And twice we’ve given up the win, yet decided to play for the fun of it.

And those games – those short-handed – ten against nine games – have resulted in two moral victories. Sure, they counted as losses in the standings, but we’ve outscored the opponent 26-6 in those two “losses.”

Moral victories, indeed.

The best part about all of this is that we’re having fun. Every Wednesday. This has become a blast, to tell you the truth. Each game we show up 15 minutes ahead of time. We shoot the shit for a little bit. We play the game and cheer each other on, using as many baseball idioms and clichés as possible. When someone is running towards third, we all jump out of the dugout and pretend to be a team of third-base coaches. When someone scores, we run out and slap hands and (for the most part) pretend the game means something.

Then, half an hour later, we disperse. We slap the opponent’s hands, we say goodbye to each other, and we don’t give a second thought to any of our teammates. I would be lying if I said I knew more than three of their names.

We have fun though. And like I learned in gym class, that’s all that matters. There are no playoffs – well, unless your team decides to pay to participate. Our team won’t. Half of them will be back in school. Though that hasn’t stopped us from putting a competitive team on the field before.

It would be nice to get credit for some of these wins, though.

Oh. Sorry. These “losses.”

Tags: Sports |

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