Comments on: On the loss of innocence http://www.blackmarks.net/2009/06/27/on-the-loss-of-innocence/ "The unread story is not a story; it is little black marks on wood pulp. The reader, reading it, makes it live: a live thing, a story." -- Ursula K. Le Guin -- Writer, Reader, Amateur Interneter, Father and Life Chronicler. Wed, 08 Feb 2012 23:25:27 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Emily Maresh http://www.blackmarks.net/2009/06/27/on-the-loss-of-innocence/#comment-242162 Emily Maresh Sat, 11 Jul 2009 14:21:02 +0000 http://www.blackmarks.net/?p=1345#comment-242162 Cory, Thanks for sharing this message. You have a great way with words that some of us struggle to share. Back in 2005, I experience the same joy of sharing a pregnancy with Tasha and Craig. Tasha and I worked at ACS together and were pregnant at the same time with our first kids. My daughter Lauren is just 4 weeks older than Kaiden and we have had so much fun watching them grow up together. As I am sure you were looking forward to do with your son and Addy. My heart has been breaking for Tasha and Craig since I learned for Addy's passing and have struggled to put my thoughts together and grasp what I was feeling. I think the message you shared today sums it up for most of us who are parents of small children. Craig is blessed to have a friend like you. Thanks again for sharing this very moving message! Emily Cory,
Thanks for sharing this message. You have a great way with words that some of us struggle to share. Back in 2005, I experience the same joy of sharing a pregnancy with Tasha and Craig. Tasha and I worked at ACS together and were pregnant at the same time with our first kids. My daughter Lauren is just 4 weeks older than Kaiden and we have had so much fun watching them grow up together. As I am sure you were looking forward to do with your son and Addy. My heart has been breaking for Tasha and Craig since I learned for Addy’s passing and have struggled to put my thoughts together and grasp what I was feeling. I think the message you shared today sums it up for most of us who are parents of small children. Craig is blessed to have a friend like you.
Thanks again for sharing this very moving message!
Emily

]]> By: Sarah http://www.blackmarks.net/2009/06/27/on-the-loss-of-innocence/#comment-241938 Sarah Tue, 07 Jul 2009 13:19:56 +0000 http://www.blackmarks.net/?p=1345#comment-241938 How beautiful you were able to describe your feelings, it was very moving. Over the years I have learned so much from Tasha & Craig. How to be a better person, how to be better friend. Watching the video of Addy's short life, I was able to see that not a moment a taken for granted, every second was cherished. We can all learn so much them. Thank you for sharing. Sarah How beautiful you were able to describe your feelings, it was very moving. Over the years I have learned so much from Tasha & Craig. How to be a better person, how to be better friend. Watching the video of Addy’s short life, I was able to see that not a moment a taken for granted, every second was cherished. We can all learn so much them.

Thank you for sharing.

Sarah

]]> By: A follow up to “innocence” : Black Marks on Wood Pulp / by Corey Vilhauer http://www.blackmarks.net/2009/06/27/on-the-loss-of-innocence/#comment-241878 A follow up to “innocence” : Black Marks on Wood Pulp / by Corey Vilhauer Mon, 06 Jul 2009 18:15:04 +0000 http://www.blackmarks.net/?p=1345#comment-241878 [...] A blog post I wrote about attending the funeral of my friend Craig’s daughter – a newborn who passed away at only nine days old – transformed from an introspective study in loss to a holding ground for the family’s memories. [...] [...] A blog post I wrote about attending the funeral of my friend Craig’s daughter – a newborn who passed away at only nine days old – transformed from an introspective study in loss to a holding ground for the family’s memories. [...]

]]> By: Mark http://www.blackmarks.net/2009/06/27/on-the-loss-of-innocence/#comment-241798 Mark Sat, 04 Jul 2009 23:53:34 +0000 http://www.blackmarks.net/?p=1345#comment-241798 Corey, Your words took me right back to that Saturday the 27th. Right back to the funeral home and put the tears right back into my eyes. I got a few calls as well as some pretty excited texts 9 days before Tuesday that said I needed to call Craig, my brother, and in a state brought on by the events of the night before I waited until I was able to form sentences again before I could share in his joy. He told me of his new baby girl and my new niece. He told me of their plans to go see our parents and then take the rest of the day to recover from all the excitement. I had started making plans in my head to come up the later part of July so I could catch a Twins game and see the new addition to our family. Much like my father I thought I had all the time in the world. Nine days after that Sunday I got the same calls and the same texts, but seeing as Tasha had the baby already I knew something was amiss. The sentence my mother told me chilled me to the bone, her voice ragged from crying she told me that Addyson had passed. It hit me like a ton of bricks. Little Addyson our newest addition to the family was gone. Little Addyson the girl that was welcomed so eagerly by everybody had now been taken. I flew back immediately because of the hurt I knew everyone was going through. Your message brought me right back to a place I’ll never forget and your message is of one I had learned in high school with the loss of a friend, never take time for granted. You are right about that and it is horrible that we are reminded of that by events like these. Corey,
Your words took me right back to that Saturday the 27th. Right back to the funeral home and put the tears right back into my eyes.
I got a few calls as well as some pretty excited texts 9 days before Tuesday that said I needed to call Craig, my brother, and in a state brought on by the events of the night before I waited until I was able to form sentences again before I could share in his joy. He told me of his new baby girl and my new niece. He told me of their plans to go see our parents and then take the rest of the day to recover from all the excitement. I had started making plans in my head to come up the later part of July so I could catch a Twins game and see the new addition to our family. Much like my father I thought I had all the time in the world.
Nine days after that Sunday I got the same calls and the same texts, but seeing as Tasha had the baby already I knew something was amiss. The sentence my mother told me chilled me to the bone, her voice ragged from crying she told me that Addyson had passed. It hit me like a ton of bricks. Little Addyson our newest addition to the family was gone. Little Addyson the girl that was welcomed so eagerly by everybody had now been taken. I flew back immediately because of the hurt I knew everyone was going through.
Your message brought me right back to a place I’ll never forget and your message is of one I had learned in high school with the loss of a friend, never take time for granted. You are right about that and it is horrible that we are reminded of that by events like these.

]]> By: Bruce http://www.blackmarks.net/2009/06/27/on-the-loss-of-innocence/#comment-241721 Bruce Fri, 03 Jul 2009 20:00:33 +0000 http://www.blackmarks.net/?p=1345#comment-241721 Corey, This seems to be the place to go to get to the heart of what is on everyone's minds at this sad confusing time. I am Craig's father Bruce and I too want to thank you for the way that you put into words the joy and eventually the pain you witnessed the family and friends going through after Addyson's untimely death and also the feelings you had in your own heart. I am person that likes to be in control of my fate and everyone that knows me knows that I like to fix things. As of Tuesday the 23rd of June at about 11:45 AM when I walked into the Trauma 5 center at the Sanford Hospital and was led down the hall to the room where Tasha, Craig, Faye, Donna, and the now lifeless baby Addyson were gathered I experienced a feeling that I despised especially at that moment in time, I was helpless to fix anything there. There was nothing I could do or say to take away the excruciating emotional pain that we all were dealing with because even with all of the modern medical equipment and the doctor’s skills nobody could breathe life back into that beautiful little granddaughter of mine. Over the past three and a half years I have watched Kaiden growing up and the older he gets the more fun I have with him and I was looking forward to having that fun all over again with Addyson. I have never been much for holding infants; to me it is like handling someone's fine, priceless china. I like to wait until they grow up a little so that they aren't quite so vulnerable to my clumsiness and for that reason I never held Addyson as much as I could have. I had all kinds of time or so I thought. In the future I will be just a little more selfish and hold the little ones a little closer a little longer. Addyson will always live on in our hearts and I know there will be times when we see young people experiencing life that we will wonder what she would have been like. I for one know that she would have had my heart in the palm of her hand much like she does right now and I would have cherished every time she wanted my attention and yelled "Papa". I want to thank you Corey and all of the other folks that have responded to the story "On the Loss of Innocence". I believe that this interaction will help all of us in the healing process; I especially hope it helps Tasha, Craig, and Kaiden in their healing process as they are experiencing the biggest loss, the loss of a child and sibling. I do believe that our little Addyson is truly an angel now. Bruce Corey,
This seems to be the place to go to get to the heart of what is on everyone’s minds at this sad confusing time. I am Craig’s father Bruce and I too want to thank you for the way that you put into words the joy and eventually the pain you witnessed the family and friends going through after Addyson’s untimely death and also the feelings you had in your own heart.
I am person that likes to be in control of my fate and everyone that knows me knows that I like to fix things. As of Tuesday the 23rd of June at about 11:45 AM when I walked into the Trauma 5 center at the Sanford Hospital and was led down the hall to the room where Tasha, Craig, Faye, Donna, and the now lifeless baby Addyson were gathered I experienced a feeling that I despised especially at that moment in time, I was helpless to fix anything there. There was nothing I could do or say to take away the excruciating emotional pain that we all were dealing with because even with all of the modern medical equipment and the doctor’s skills nobody could breathe life back into that beautiful little granddaughter of mine.
Over the past three and a half years I have watched Kaiden growing up and the older he gets the more fun I have with him and I was looking forward to having that fun all over again with Addyson. I have never been much for holding infants; to me it is like handling someone’s fine, priceless china. I like to wait until they grow up a little so that they aren’t quite so vulnerable to my clumsiness and for that reason I never held Addyson as much as I could have. I had all kinds of time or so I thought. In the future I will be just a little more selfish and hold the little ones a little closer a little longer.
Addyson will always live on in our hearts and I know there will be times when we see young people experiencing life that we will wonder what she would have been like. I for one know that she would have had my heart in the palm of her hand much like she does right now and I would have cherished every time she wanted my attention and yelled “Papa”.
I want to thank you Corey and all of the other folks that have responded to the story “On the Loss of Innocence”. I believe that this interaction will help all of us in the healing process; I especially hope it helps Tasha, Craig, and Kaiden in their healing process as they are experiencing the biggest loss, the loss of a child and sibling.
I do believe that our little Addyson is truly an angel now.

Bruce

]]> By: Faye Lee http://www.blackmarks.net/2009/06/27/on-the-loss-of-innocence/#comment-241713 Faye Lee Fri, 03 Jul 2009 17:04:28 +0000 http://www.blackmarks.net/?p=1345#comment-241713 Corey: I am Craig's mother, and have attempted to make my comments on your site since last weekend, only to be stopped each time by the extreme sadness in my heart. Addyson was only with us for 9 short days, but has made a lasting impression in our heart that will remain with us forever. They say that losing a child is one of the most difficult things a parent would ever have to go through. The second, I know, is having to stand by and watch your child lose a child. I have felt some of the worst pain I have ever felt since that dreaded moment on June 23rd. Craig and Tasha are such a great couple, and great parents. They should never have had to experience this hurt and pain. Bruce, I and Craig’s brother Mark, as well as Tasha’s parents Jack and Donna, and her brother Preston, Becky and the boys will do everything in our power to help Craig, Tasha and Kaiden get through this. We love them with all of our hearts, and thank you so much for the wonderful tribute that you gave our precious baby Addyson. Faye Lee Corey: I am Craig’s mother, and have attempted to make my comments on your site since last weekend, only to be stopped each time by the extreme sadness in my heart. Addyson was only with us for 9 short days, but has made a lasting impression in our heart that will remain with us forever. They say that losing a child is one of the most difficult things a parent would ever have to go through. The second, I know, is having to stand by and watch your child lose a child. I have felt some of the worst pain I have ever felt since that dreaded moment on June 23rd. Craig and Tasha are such a great couple, and great parents. They should never have had to experience this hurt and pain. Bruce, I and Craig’s brother Mark, as well as Tasha’s parents Jack and Donna, and her brother Preston, Becky and the boys will do everything in our power to help Craig, Tasha and Kaiden get through this. We love them with all of our hearts, and thank you so much for the wonderful tribute that you gave our precious baby Addyson. Faye Lee

]]> By: Colleen Steele Yunker http://www.blackmarks.net/2009/06/27/on-the-loss-of-innocence/#comment-241657 Colleen Steele Yunker Thu, 02 Jul 2009 16:40:54 +0000 http://www.blackmarks.net/?p=1345#comment-241657 Corey, I'm Colleen Steele Yunker.....Jack Steele's sister, Tasha's aunt, and Addyson's great aunt. I live in Indiana, so all I saw were pictures of Addyson with her Steele grandparents, her Dad, Craig, her brother, Kaiden, and her Mother, Tasha. All I can do is cry. She was so beautiful and looked so perfect and healthy. I just can,t understand why this happened. I relived the death of my niece, Chanda, some 30 years ago, and the pain was just as great as it was then. When I told my daughter, Sabra, about it, she, too, was shattered. She and Chanda were only 11 months apart. Preston was her only cousin then until Tasha came along. And oh what a delightful girl Tasha is. One thing I told Sabra, I think, was that Donna's parents, Jack's and my parents, and Chanda were in heaven and that they would take good care of Addyson until we all join them. All I wish is that I could make it all better, but I know I have to accept the fact that I can't. I pray for healing of everyone over a matter of a long time. Your writing was beautiful. Thank you so much! Corey,
I’m Colleen Steele Yunker…..Jack Steele’s sister, Tasha’s aunt, and Addyson’s great aunt. I live in Indiana, so all I saw were pictures of Addyson with her Steele grandparents, her Dad, Craig, her brother, Kaiden, and her Mother, Tasha. All I can do is cry. She was so beautiful and looked so perfect and healthy. I just can,t understand why this happened. I relived the death of my niece, Chanda, some 30 years ago, and the pain was just as great as it was then. When I told my daughter, Sabra, about it, she, too, was shattered. She and Chanda were only 11 months apart. Preston was her only cousin then until Tasha came along. And oh what a delightful girl Tasha is. One thing I told Sabra, I think, was that Donna’s parents, Jack’s and my parents, and Chanda were in heaven and that they would take good care of Addyson until we all join them. All I wish is that I could make it all better, but I know I have to accept the fact that I can’t. I pray for healing of everyone over a matter of a long time. Your writing was beautiful. Thank you so much!

]]> By: Jack Steele http://www.blackmarks.net/2009/06/27/on-the-loss-of-innocence/#comment-241612 Jack Steele Thu, 02 Jul 2009 03:39:39 +0000 http://www.blackmarks.net/?p=1345#comment-241612 Corey: What beautiful and comforting words you have written. My name is Jack Steele and I am Addyson's grandfather, Tasha"s father. Your perception and description of Addyson's short life and the funeral service and the emotion that everyone that was there felt and displayed was so helpful and gratifying to us as a family. Everyone seemed to be hurting and cared so much. Addyson has been gone now for a week and a day, almost as long as she lived. I think of her, multiple times every day and every time I do, it just doesn't seem to get any easier. I shed tears daily. I am but the grandfather. But I fell in love with that little baby girl the minute I learned of her birth. Now let me tell you briefly about something that happened in my life. Over 30 years ago, my wife Donna and I also lost a daughter. She was seven years old at the time of her death. She died of a rare form of cancer after battling courageiosly to beat it for two years. So I know what Tasha and Craig are experiencing and going through. But it just breaks my heart to watch them suffering so much and knowing that there really isn't anything I can say or do for them to make their grief go away. However, I have told them, that someday, maybe tomorrow, maybe a year from now or maybe ten years from now, they will discover the answer as to why God took Addyson home to his side so quickly after her life began. It took me about two years to discover why God took our daughter Chanda at such a young age. The answer to that question, in my life, was Tasha. The day she was born and became a part of our lives, answered the question of why, for me. Tasha was that answer. So Corey, thanks again for what you have written and what you have said and for providing a response section to your "On the Loss of Innocence". Your words were special and encouraging words and have helped me remember and understand what has happened in our lives in the past two weeks and three days. With best regards, Jack Corey:

What beautiful and comforting words you have written. My name is Jack Steele and I am Addyson’s grandfather, Tasha”s father. Your perception and description of Addyson’s short life and the funeral service and the emotion that everyone that was there felt and displayed was so helpful and gratifying to us as a family. Everyone seemed to be hurting and cared so much. Addyson has been gone now for a week and a day, almost as long as she lived. I think of her, multiple times every day and every time I do, it just doesn’t seem to get any easier. I shed tears daily. I am but the grandfather. But I fell in love with that little baby girl the minute I learned of her birth.

Now let me tell you briefly about something that happened in my life. Over 30 years ago, my wife Donna and I also lost a daughter. She was seven years old at the time of her death. She died of a rare form of cancer after battling courageiosly to beat it for two years. So I know what Tasha and Craig are experiencing and going through. But it just breaks my heart to watch them suffering so much and knowing that there really isn’t anything I can say or do for them to make their grief go away. However, I have told them, that someday, maybe tomorrow, maybe a year from now or maybe ten years from now, they will discover the answer as to why God took Addyson home to his side so quickly after her life began. It took me about two years to discover why God took our daughter Chanda at such a young age. The answer to that question, in my life, was Tasha. The day she was born and became a part of our lives, answered the question of why, for me. Tasha was that answer.

So Corey, thanks again for what you have written and what you have said and for providing a response section to your “On the Loss of Innocence”. Your words were special and encouraging words and have helped me remember and understand what has happened in our lives in the past two weeks and three days.

With best regards,
Jack

]]> By: Preston http://www.blackmarks.net/2009/06/27/on-the-loss-of-innocence/#comment-241419 Preston Mon, 29 Jun 2009 00:58:36 +0000 http://www.blackmarks.net/?p=1345#comment-241419 Corey, I just wanted to say thank you! I am Tasha's brother and Craig asked me to read this on Sunday morning. It brought tears to my eyes again just as the many I had shed the days since her death. I am not good at putting words to paper as well as you did, but I have a lot of emotions and questions running through my head as everyone else does...Why? Why would our God need Addyson so soon? The only explanation I can come up with is God needed a beautiful angel to sit by his side and watch over us as he had lost his. I believe God has a plan for all of us and his plan for Addyson was to bless us with her sweetness and then call her home a short 9 days later. I can't wait to see her again someday! I have twin boys that are just about 16 months old, so this really clubbed me hard. An innocent child's life is so precious so we all need to re-learn not to take advantage of it. Stop and smell a flower with them. Throw a rock with them. Eat a piece of dirt with them...well maybe not. Watch a bird fly through the air and wonder as they do...How does that bird do that? God bless you Corey! We will all miss our precious Addy! Corey,

I just wanted to say thank you! I am Tasha’s brother and Craig asked me to read this on Sunday morning. It brought tears to my eyes again just as the many I had shed the days since her death. I am not good at putting words to paper as well as you did, but I have a lot of emotions and questions running through my head as everyone else does…Why? Why would our God need Addyson so soon? The only explanation I can come up with is God needed a beautiful angel to sit by his side and watch over us as he had lost his.
I believe God has a plan for all of us and his plan for Addyson was to bless us with her sweetness and then call her home a short 9 days later. I can’t wait to see her again someday!
I have twin boys that are just about 16 months old, so this really clubbed me hard. An innocent child’s life is so precious so we all need to re-learn not to take advantage of it. Stop and smell a flower with them. Throw a rock with them. Eat a piece of dirt with them…well maybe not. Watch a bird fly through the air and wonder as they do…How does that bird do that?
God bless you Corey!

We will all miss our precious Addy!

]]> By: The Oblate http://www.blackmarks.net/2009/06/27/on-the-loss-of-innocence/#comment-241351 The Oblate Sun, 28 Jun 2009 03:01:12 +0000 http://www.blackmarks.net/?p=1345#comment-241351 Beautifully written, Corey. The only thing you can do for someone who has lost a loved one is to sit with them in their grief and cry with them. The words "It will be all right" will never do for someone who is grieving--because it won't be "all right" for a very long time, if ever. Those left behind have had their lives changed forever. Forever. Beautifully written, Corey. The only thing you can do for someone who has lost a loved one is to sit with them in their grief and cry with them. The words “It will be all right” will never do for someone who is grieving–because it won’t be “all right” for a very long time, if ever. Those left behind have had their lives changed forever. Forever.

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