Category: Annoyances

Everything is dead

August 18th, 2010

Did you hear the one about when a magazine that makes a living talking about technology and the Web told us all that the Web was dead?

The Web. It’s dead.

Let’s review.

Chivalry is dead. The Queen is dead. Microsoft Kin is dead. Duke Nukem Forever is dead. Michael Jackson is dead. Bill Cosby is dead.

Print is dead. The 30-second spot is dead. Blogs are dead. The record industry is dead (though, surprisingly, analog and vinyl are not). Sitcoms are dead.

Paul is dead.

God is dead.

And now the Web.

We’ll look beyond the argument that, while stand-alone apps and smartphones are rising in popularity, the simple fact is that most apps still depend on Web content and a not-so-small degree of Web promotion to become successful. We’ll also look past the example, which positions a tech-savvy media consumer lucky enough to own an iPad as some kind of technological standard, as if a vast majority of people are suddenly rising to the upper income brackets, running around and buying Apple products and downloading apps as if their status depended upon it.

Instead, we’ll just bask in the cheap journalistic practice of stating [SOMETHING] IS DEAD!, a surefire way to deliver easy traffic, draw considerable ire, and make baseless predictions using flawed data and a minor timeframe.

Because, in the eyes of the claimants, who are we to question?

These headlines are cheap. And so are the stories. The only solace we have is that, five years from now, we’ll be able to look back at this article and laugh at its misguided bluster. That is, if we even remember it – the hidden strength behind these boisterous obituaries is that, five years from now, no one will ever remember.

Listen, Wired may have a point.

But a point isn’t enough to lay claim to predicting a medium’s demise. (One they’ve admittedly already made, 13 years earlier.)

It is, however, enough to throw a hail mary article into the abyss of the magazine industry’s dwindling readers – of which I’m one – in a desperate attempt to regain a little relevancy.

Journalism is dead. Long live journalism.


Comments: 4

Issues Considered: Annoyances, Blogging, Journalism, On..., Technology

Keep it simple, stupid

August 3rd, 2010

Sierra got a camera for her birthday. A digital one: the VTech Kidizoom Plus. It takes real pictures and everything. She was excited. I was excited. We were all excited to get it going.

But it wasn’t the easiest thing to figure out. Part of that is because, in essence, Sierra also got the following for her birthday:
• A photo editor
• A game system
• A framing kit
• A slide show
• A movie camera

All in the same package.

Sierra is a three-year old girl. She likes to take pictures with her camera – not play games, not film movies, not put wacky frames on wacky shots. To her, this is merely a camera. To me, it’s a monstrosity in over-indulgence; some “design by committee” product spec that attempted not to make a great product but, in the way committees are wont to do, make a product that tries to appeal to every single demographic available.

Sierra loves her camera, and I think it’s pretty fun. Grandpa Dennis did a great job picking it out. We’ve already started a Flickr page with Sierra’s pictures. (They are fantastic, by the way, if you like blurry, off centered pictures of her family and the backs of their legs.)

But the insistence of modern manufacturing to pile on the features and added benefits – often to the detriment of the original reason for purchasing the product – is frustrating and, dare I say, ugly.

Kids want cameras to take pictures. They will be happy with a simple camera that takes good pictures and – here’s the kicker! – is easy to use.

That means no extra features to bog down the button landscape. Just a few buttons to work the camera, like the old Holga models.

Do people really want all the things on this camera? Or are they simply a way to create false competitive advantages in a crowded toy marketplace – competitive advantages that are then one upped by the competitors, which are then one upped by the original product, which continue ad nauseum until soon there isn’t enough room on the package to explain what the damned thing does.

Here’s the thing: it’s a toy. For a kid. Yet, it’s become so complicated that even I had a hard time working it.

Did we forget about the simple rules of making toys? Rule Number Two: TOYS ARE FOR KIDS.

It’s all I ask. Simplicity. Better design. Something Sierra will be happy with. Something she’ll have no problem grasping and understanding. Something we all can be proud to purchase.

And, thanks but no thanks, we’re okay without the wacky hat slide show.


Leave A Comment

Issues Considered: Annoyances, Photography, Sierra

Reciprocation

July 28th, 2010

I don’t believe in reciprocation for reciprocation’s sake.

If you follow me on Twitter or Flickr, I won’t follow back. Unless I want to. Likewise, I fully understand that, if I follow someone I admire on Twitter, I shouldn’t expect them to reciprocate – especially if they have no idea who I am.

Yeah. We went to school together. But it doesn’t mean I am required to answer your Facebook request.

I’m sorry to have to say this out loud, but I thought the idea of reciprocation was clear: if what you are giving to me is worth repaying, I will repay it. Otherwise, please do not assume I have enough time in my life to follow, link and friend every person I’ve ever come in contact with.

Do you guys remember when blogrolls were a big deal? There were two ways of making it onto someone’s blogroll.

  1. Write or curate a blog that’s worth reading.
  2. Add the blogroll’s site to YOUR blogroll, then hint that, since YOU have blogrolled THEM, THEY should reciprocate.

Number two? That’s a passive aggressive form of assumed reciprocation, and it used to run rampant. Even little ol’ Black Marks on Wood Pulp fell victim to the constant haranguing of blogroll link collectors.

Then, there’s the “I’ll follow you if you follow me” form of assumed reciprocation (let’s call it what it really is: RANSOM) that forces a disingenuous and false sense of shared admiration. And, it puts the recipient in an awkward spot.

These things occur without regard to my preferences on recommendations or relationships. I simply may not have time to offer correspondence. Or, I may be impossibly strict on who I offer praise and recommendation. But now I’ve been pigeonholed. I can ignore and be labeled as a jerk. Or I can accept and undermine my principles.

I don’t like that.

So, if you want to go ahead and recommend me, or follow me, or offer me some kind of praise, or make my life better, you need to go ahead and do it.

Just, please, don’t expect anything in return.


Comments: 4

Issues Considered: Annoyances, Friends, Technology

Televisions: kind of like automatic napkin dispensers

May 8th, 2010

So they put televisions in our gas stations and our restaurants and our vehicles and our phones and really there’s no place you can go without running into a television.

The question I keep asking, especially when it comes to businesses and the service industry, is “why?”

Is it really true that a product or brand will lose out because there’s no video available? Will a person pass up going to a gas station because, you know, THAT one isn’t showing Fox News?

An example: today we ate at Whisk and Chop, a local ready-for-big-time breakfast/lunch hybrid restaurant in the vein of Perkins or Bakers Square. (By “in the vein” we really mean “almost absolutely exactly like” because, for some strange reason, they’ve taken a Perkins-esque view of interior design and a Bakers Square-like dedication to mediocre food.)

Every wall had a television.

Every. One.

You go to Pizza Ranch, and every wall has a television. McDonalds. Gas stations. These aren’t sports bars – these places aren’t catering to drunks who want to watch football. They’re serving breakfast. Fast food. GASOLINE. What. The. Hell.

I know. People like television. I get it.

But take those televisions away from the inside of Whisk and Chop. All of them. Leave them out of the budget. Save money on the satellite feed. Take that savings and put it into, oh, I don’t know, a better attention to detail (like toasting the English muffin under your luke-warm Eggs Benedict).

Open the doors and see what happens. How many people are going to say, “I really want breakfast, and I’ve heard Whisk and Chop is good…”

“…oh, but they don’t have a television for me to watch.”

Can we all agree that, because this is such a negligible feature to a breakfast restaurant, that it’s unnecessary, much like an automatic napkin dispenser or valet parking or two sets of silverware for each dish?

Can we all agree that, when it comes down to it, it’s kind of tacky?

So, no television. Will they really lose customers?

Or, by going against the grain and offering a more peaceful environment with which to eat hashbrowns, will they actually gain customers?

I find it hard to believe anyone would notice in the first place.


Comments: 5

Issues Considered: Annoyances, Sioux Falls, Television

Haters. They gonna hate.

April 27th, 2010

If I was in a different place, I’d probably apologize for myself. For everything I’ve ever said. And everything I’ll ever say.

At times, I’m kind of negative. I’m sorry for that. Don’t take it personally. Don’t allow your publication to take it personally. Don’t allow your candidate, or your beliefs, or whatever it is I’ve somehow slighted to take it personally.

See, we’re all part of a vast network of communication. Me. You. All of us. We connect through words and sometimes those words aren’t what you want to hear but I’ve gotten to a point in my life where I feel voicing my opinions and airing my quirks outweigh the silence I once mistook for politeness.

With that freedom, I may have become a little negative.

But that’s only a perception.

Because it’s allowed me to be positive, too. And it’s given that positivity a more genuine stature.

There’s a fragile ecosystem of delicate egos in the creative world – an ecosystem that I freely claim a part of – that frantically searches for reassurance and kudos and can’t live without constant adoration. You guys, I get it. I’m there. Everyone who’s ever put out a small slice of creativity has been there. Unless we’re wasted on old man whiskey, we create both for the reaction and for the art.

In fact, that reaction is the central driving force of art.

If I criticize your work, I’m not criticizing you as a person. If I don’t follow you back on Twitter, or ignore your Facebook friend requests, it’s not because I hate you. If I don’t say anything at all, it’s not because I wasn’t paying attention. We’re all adults here. We’re all having a conversation, even when we’re not saying a thing.

It just feels like, sometimes, if the conversation begins with critique, it will certainly end with the offended party cowering; hiding under the covers.

If something you do isn’t up to par, I’ll tell you. Don’t take it personally. Just know that I have high standards. Standards that I, myself, couldn’t probably even live up to.

And if something you do is mindblowingly awesome – like, tell all of my friends and yell it from the rooftops awesome – then know that whatever it is, it really caused a reaction with me.

For what that’s worth, I suppose.

Looking over this, I understand that I’m probably trying to convince myself of these things. But remember: we release our creativity so others can view and respond. And it’s that act of release that frees us complaint.

We’re opening ourselves for the world, you know. And haters? They always gonna hate.

It’s the ones that do nothing BUT that you’ve got to watch for.


Comments: 2

Issues Considered: Annoyances, Meta, On..., Writing

Old Man Vilhauer strikes again

February 8th, 2010

Dear Person Ahead of Me on 69th Street in Sioux Falls, South Dakota,

Yeah, I get it. You’ve got kids and so you’ve got a serious need for a minivan. No qualms there. I may have the same need someday. Kids get bigger and soon they don’t fit in the backseat of a Volkswagen Jetta anymore and also it’s hard to have to bend down all the time to get them strapped in and ready to move. Like I said, I get it.

I also get the DVD player. I can understand that. Long trips can be exhausting for everyone involved, and there’s no shame in slapping in a copy of Little Einsteins because, let’s face it, it makes the seven-hour drive down I-90 a little more bearable, even if the theme song for Little Einsteins manages to get lodged in your head every thirty miles.

But, you see, there’s a problem.

You, Person Ahead of Me on 69th Street in Sioux Falls, South Dakota; you live in town. I know this because your license plate gives it away. And you’re currently IN town, a town that, while one of the nation’s fastest growing, is still only a 15-minute drive from one end to the other.

And yet, there you are. You. At the corner of Western and 69th. Plugging in a DVD. For your kid to watch. On the 15-minute ride home. A DVD. FOR THE RIDE HOME.

What’s more, you’re reaching back, fiddling with the screen, adjusting it to his or her pleasure, oblivious to the fact that you’ve not only screwed up the delicate rhythm of one of the city’s worst 4-way stops, but also infuriated the rest of us.

The rest of us, none us driven to put our children in a coma state because GOD FORBID they go without their favorite DVD for the few minutes it takes to get from daycare to home.

You’re in town. Turn on the radio. Better yet, talk to your kids. Here are some starter questions: “How was your day?” “What would you like for dinner?” “What did you learn today.” BONUS! Here’s a starter comment: “Why don’t we wait until after dinner before we watch more television – we’re only 15 minutes from home.”

I mean, I’m not trying to be Old Man Vilhauer, the guy who knows how to parent your children, but COME ON.

At least start the DVD BEFORE YOU GET ON THE ROAD.


Comments: 1

Issues Considered: Annoyances

RT @UserName Tweets are real content, you guys #srsly

January 26th, 2010

The following post touches on three things: Twitter, overreaction and a tidy little moral.

On Twitter, and its Place as Serious Content

There are two schools of thought on the validity of Twitter’s content. One school sees Twitter comments as banal, throwaway lines, not worthy of archiving or protecting. They’re the bottom of the barrel, resting comfortably next to Facebook updates and MySpace pages.

The other understands that Twitter continues to serve as a micro-microblog. There may only be 140 characters, but that limit doesn’t downplay the merit of the thought. In other words: you say it in 140 characters or 140 paragraphs – there’s no difference in the hierarchy of importance.

Those that tweet about breakfast are in the first group. Those that spend time crafting brilliant non-sequiturs are in the second. Those that pooh-pooh Twitter as a waste of time are in the first. Those that see Twitter’s value as a depository for new information are in the second.

I’m in the second group.

Which is why I get so upset when a tweet is mishandled. My tweet. My words. My thoughts.

My Overreaction

See, it was cold outside. It was snowing. It was a blizzard; as in, the snow was blowing sideways. And I could have said this. I could have said, on Twitter, “THE SNOW IS BLOWING SIDEWAYS,” and gotten on with my life.

I didn’t. Because I’m in that second group of Twitter users. Instead, I wrote this.

Not high on the LULZ Meter, but still, better than just saying “THE SNOW IS BLOWING SIDEWAYS.”

I continued on with my day. And then, I was re-tweeted.

A subtle change – and a change made in good faith – but enough of a change to upset the timing, lose the sarcasm and render my former tweet spayed and neutered. Just like that, my mood went black. Tired of being nice, I respond with this passive aggressive gem.

I felt better. For a while.

And Here’s Why I’m a Cranky Twitter User

If I write a blog post and someone wants to link back to it, I expect to be quoted accurately. Not out of context. I expect that what I say will be represented just as well on someone else’s blog as it is on my own – in fact, maybe even more so, since my work is being passed along with additional helpful comments attached.

I expect this because it’s what should be done. It’s what you do in print. It’s what you do at newspapers and magazines. It’s what you do when you’re blogging. It’s good, clean attribution.

On Twitter, however, things are still rolling like the Wild West. Tweets are seen as a thought, not a carefully worded message. That I wrote my original in a certain tone, with specific punctuation, isn’t taken into consideration. After all – it’s just a tweet, and it’s free to be passed along, truncated to allow for a RT and a hashtag and attribution even though, if you think about it, the tweet no longer represents what I said in the first place.

It’s why I don’t care for re-tweeting “with comments,” and why I rarely do it.

I’ve since apologized for the passive aggressiveness. The person who RTed me didn’t mean harm. It’s just that the perception of Twitter as a playground for creative content is still in its infant stages. And, thanks to its ever-expanding use, it may never reach that point.

Which is too bad. One spin through the old Favrd (now Favstar, I guess) community is enough to see the promise that Twitter holds in the form of one-line, creatively penned tweets, as valuable as any long form blog post or magazine article, whether for information, humor or truth.

Until that day, I’ll be over here, fighting for Twitter standards and burning bridges I never knew existed.


Comments: 5

Issues Considered: Annoyances, Technology, Words, Writing