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August 27, 2009


nullEvery question is followed with a soul-piercing stare.

Deep brown eyes, round like a Fiestaware bowl, with a raisin of a black dot floating in the center. Occasionally blinking, but always staring. Right at you. Waiting for an answer. Waiting for the right words.

The stare is partnered with a wide smile – the kind of smile that’s cute when alone, but unsettling when paired with two burrowing eyes. A stare that isn’t swayed by time, either – it will continue to burrow through your brain until it feels it should stop.

And it’s not just once. It happens several times over a half hour. A question. A look to the audience. A sidekick mimicking the act, failing to grasp the same creepiness but still working in concert with the original. Two stares now. TWO STARES.

That’s what unnerves me. I’d have thought the DVD was frozen if it wasn’t for the unfeeling blinks that accompany each stare.

Where’s the answer, kids?

Keep trying.

Staring. Staring. STARING STARING STARING.

This is why I’m thankful it’s taken two years for Sierra to get into Dora the Explorer. The songs, the repetition, the odd mix of Spanish and English – these don’t bother me.

But those stares. * shudder *

Tags: Annoyances, Sierra, Television |

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This is not breaking news

June 22, 2009


Seriously?

Let’s be honest. You undermine your position as a Breaking News source the second you post “JON AND KATE FILE FOR SEPARATION.”

And let’s continue to be honest. You undermine your need for privacy by going public in every aspect of your life. Contracts aside, the solution is simple: if you are having trouble with your marriage and you’re going to use the undying devotion of paparazzi stalkers as a main excuse, you should probably consider not allowing a constant crew of camera operators to document every move.

Of course, let’s put this all out there. Jon and Kate jumped the shark two years ago, so we should have expected this. It took itself too seriously. It tried to change lives, when all it ever turned out to be was documentation of a failing marriage. It was destined to either crash or fade away.

Is it asking too much for this to become a harbinger of the future of family reality television? Can we all make the assumption that all the networks want is drama, and all the cameras and lights in the world can’t keep that from happening; no matter your security in marriage, no matter your desire to live a normal life in the fish tank of cable television, no matter your assurances that everything will go on as it always would.

It’s not news. It’s reality. So let’s not treat it like something that has never happened before.

Tags: Television |

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A brief history of television

April 7, 2009


A brief history of television in the Vilhauer household.

November 2002. Move in. Basic cable. No digital box, nothing fancy. Just cable.

October 2005. Cable canceled. No reason other than a desire to spend less on things we don’t need.

June 2006. Television is moved to the basement. Our antenna no longer catches PBS. This causes a conflict with our recent promotion to Members of Public Broadcasting.

October 2007. With a newborn in tow and an added need for easy entertainment, digital cable is hooked up. The idea is hatched because we want public broadcasting, but attaching an antenna to our roof is not a cost-effective option.

November 2007. Television breaks. An HD television is purchased on Black Friday. Sports will never be the same.

March 2009. After just 16 months, we cut the cable again. Irony is discovered as we have rarely even watched public broadcasting in the time we’ve had cable – the reason we went down the path towards cable in the first place.

April 2009. An amplified antenna is purchased. Suddenly, we get three PBS channels. In HD. In other news, the universe has been restored.

It seems that whenever we go through some change in our television habits, it gets posted to Black Marks on Wood Pulp. As if you care.

But it’s always been a big part of our lives – both the having and the not having. It shouldn’t be, but it is. Probably because we manage to pack so much drama and gut wrenching decision making into such a tiny problem.

It’s true. The reasons we’ve gotten cable have been blurred by the reasons we got rid of cable. Every time. Without fail. We find ourselves bogged down by television.

Not that it wasn’t a great distraction, and not knocking anyone who likes the things I don’t, but it’s just that there’s so much and so little time and there’s no way you can catch up with everything.

Really, we wanted to watch PBS. That’s where it all started. And now, without cable, we have stumbled upon this enlightenment – without the glut of stuff we became reliant on for entertainment, and with new found technology that allows us to, you know, actually get more than four channels, we’ve narrowed our choices to only what we wanted in the first place.

And what an enlightenment it is! There’s this PBS sub-channel called Create that shows nothing but how-to programs. I mean, good programs. This Old House and Sara Moulton and other programs that used to be on Discovery and TLC and Food Network before those channels turned into Jon and Kate Plus Kitchen Showdown House Swap.

Sorry. Are you falling asleep?

My apologies. It’s just that we have PBS again, and because we aren’t distracted by other things, we’re realizing how awesome it is.

Oh. You’ve snoozed off. That’s okay – Nova’s on in a few minutes.

Tags: Television, Vilhauer |

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It’s berry good news!

March 9, 2009


I’ve got a few posts in the pipeline, but life is pretty busy with the house and the kid and the work and what not.

So instead, you’ll have to make do with this: The Greatest Cereal Commercial Ever.

It’s for Nintendo Cereal, complete with a theme song that I still surprisingly remember word for word despite not seeing it since the mid 1980s. I can’t remember my own name, half of the time, but I can remember this.

The commercial skips the first 3 seconds (”Nintendo - it’s for breakfast now!”) which explains the sudden switch in music and lack of rhyme.

Also, if I remember correctly, this cereal was awful.

Found at A Tribute to Discontinued Cereal, via brandflakesforbreakfast.

Tags: Advertising and Marketing, Random YouTube, Television |

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Teamwork!

February 25, 2009


Here are some of the words Sierra knows.

Bye bye.
Mommy.
Daddy.
Ball.
Moon.
Sky.

Teamwork.

Wait. What?

Yup. You read that right. Sierra knows the word “teamwork.” I should be afraid - after all, she could be morphing straight from 18-month-old to middle management office wonk. But I’m not.

She’s an avid fan of Nickelodeon’s Wonder Pets, a cute little show that features a duck, a turtle and a guinea pig. The theme of the show is working together as a group to solve problems. “What’s going to work?” they sing. “Teamwork!”

And this is how Sierra knows the word.

In other words, watch what you say. She’s eighteen months. And just like every kid at eighteen months, she’s a sponge.

She’s an adorable, babbling, mostly incoherent sponge.

Tags: Sierra, Television, Words |

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On searching for dignity

January 14, 2009


Television news is in search of ratings. More than anything.

It’s not about journalistic integrity, or a dedication to informing the community. It’s ratings, only, above all, without question. It’s programming, not journalism; entertainment, not scholarship.

I often forget this fact until it’s thrown in my lap.

Yesterday, a friend was arrested for intentional damage to property and aggravated assault. (Not a close friend, but a friend all the same.) I don’t know the details any more than anyone else. I do know that is a good guy.

I also know that he has had mental health problems in his past. Reportedly, they seemed to have begun developing again.

The offenses are indefensible. He walked through his neighborhood and struck at windows with a shovel. Eventually, he threatened a human being. No motive, no cause. Just a mixed up mind, I suspect.

But the coverage by a local station was even more indefensible.

“Neighbors say they’ve had a few interactions with the suspect, just to know he was a little off…”

“It’s really weird that the one [neighbor] I happened to meet ends up being the crazy one.”

“Definitely get to know your neighbors. Too bad you can’t get a background check on them beforehand.”

Snickers. The slo-mo perp walk. Obviously biased interviews. Just another story about another crazy guy, so let’s see what we’ve got for weather!

Whether it’s the Wheel of Justice or a habit of trivializing tragedy to point out fault, the heavy handed holier-than-thou approach that local television news programs take when reporting is contrary to the very core of good journalism.

Of treating every story with dignity. Every person with decency. Every news item with respect.

It’s all part of the news cycle on television, keeping us up to date on the ridiculousness of life, looking for the angle in every story whether or not it’s decent to do so, chuckling along as they shake their heads, saying, “Life might suck, but at least you’re not as screwed up as THAT guy.”

It’s all a big joke, until you realize it’s someone you know.

Today, the Argus Leader printed their version of the story. Just the fact. No assumption. No cute cracks about crazy people.

Because cute cracks about crazy people don’t belong in journalism.

Print may be dying, but I’ll take its dignity over television’s sensationalism any day.

“I believe that the journalism which succeeds the best-and best deserves success-fears God and honors man … seeks to give every man a chance, and as far as law, an honest wage and recognition of human brotherhood can make it so, an equal chance … is a journalism of humanity, of and for today’s world.”
-Walter Williams

Tags: Friends, Journalism, On..., Sioux Falls, Television |

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Who ya gonna call?

December 5, 2008


ohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygod!!!

This might be the last game I ever buy for PS2.

(And yes. That IS Bill Murray. omgomgomgomgomgomgomg.)

Tags: Movies, Television |

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